academic blues

i have never been a person who has paid much attention to my position in the class. May be it was because I have always fluctuated between the extremes. In school, even my best performance could not match up to a guy having the 20th position in class, while some metamorphic change in my grey cells ensured that either I was first by a huge marging or not motivated enough to chase the topper tag in my college. But now, in my first year of postgraduate degree, I for the first time am facing the pangs of finishing second or maybe third.

I do not wish to blame someone or the other for this debacle (ya!! debacle because i had been meticulously planning my performance and following other people to finish at the top of the heap here. I had taken it as a challenge as finishing on top inIIT is a dream and also it gives me an amazing opportunity to apply to the best grad schools in the world for my PhD.), but the more I think of it, the more it seems that luck was not with me.

The key paper as it turned out to be was my strongest subject but in which i fared worst during the exams, and for that i just cannot come to terms to blame myself for the mistake as I had done everything right but to learn a certain mathematical topic, which i did not expect in a thermodynamics paper. But as destiny would have it, that turned out to me the most critical question, in an otherwise extremely tough paper. The two people who I was feircly competing with, obviously sent that fulltoss over the ropes, while i missed it completely.

I still have a chance though, but it is like the soup indian crickete team finds itself in. They have to win the match by a convincing margin, but also expect that the hot favs fall to the minnows in a match to reach the next stage, thanks to some mathematical jugglery.

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