Yes, my experience with research is that it is a sine-wave, periods of pure happiness follows periods of abject sadness.
Back from the awesome India trip, the picture was rosy. My talk at LA was well received, lots of interesting ideas and directions emerged from the meeting with the industry partners. And, I was bullish with confidence. I thought about major chapters in my thesis and defense and graduation. I was confident. I got my car (which has since been named Mylie) without a second thought, and almost as soon as I spotted it in the dealership, I was a walking idea machine, I was working on the simulations, tweaking things here and there and I thought I had a theory that was really good.
And this is where I haven’t learned anything from anything that has happened to me in the past, in a lesson that should be a mantra: “Nothing too good is going to be true.”
And it happened when I spoke to the adviser. (Although, I still think the two months that I spent on it has some merit, he thought that the results were not worth the time spent on it and advised me to move on to other things)…thus in 4 hours, 2 months of euphoria and positive energy drained out of me. Flushed.
And, I was left with the familiar March feeling that has haunted me for the past two years. Winter gives way to Spring, but for me days in the neighborhood of Spring break, everything leads to gloom, and I spent the last 5 days locked up in my room, mourning for my idea (and clash of different approaches of thought with the adviser), eating and watching movies.
Shriram sent a mail yesterday, confirming his wedding dates which miraculously coincides with my India trip in May. It has been a huge victory for him after raging a cold war, war, battling threats and counter-threats with his girl-friends parents. I am extremely happy for him, and extremely pleased that in a couple of days, I will get the tickets to go to Kannore and to the wedding itself…
But, now, I wished so badly that the good news would have come 10 days before, when I was just happy without a reason to be so, so that I could have enjoyed it more. Because, now happy that I am, the accelerated depression has highlighted the relative blandness of my life with a pang of jealousy.
In other related updates: Because I was generally being happy, it meant that my blog was getting neglected. But here I am, back again. The movies and books page need updates. I haven’t been reading much in March, so the books page is relatively easy. The movies page is a tough task. Here is an attempt to remember everything that I have seen since Karthik calling Karthik: Vinnaithandi Varuvaaya, Crazy Heart, Greenzone, How to train a dragon, Ghost Writer, Alice in Wonderland, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Cop-out, Cashback, She’s the one, Mr Smith goes to Washington, How to steal a million, Knock Knock I am getting married, Mumbai matinee.